Keeping Up is hard. Writing is hard. Remembering is hard. Finding time for yourself is hard. Most of the time it has to do with the fact as a Parent we have a 101 other things to do. And if your like me, a Single Parent it's almost impossible to even get 5 minutes to ones self. My version of a vacation is an extended bathroom stay which includes but not limited to: looking at funny memes, comedy videos, or the occasional puppy underdog story. Anything other then that is considered an extra curricular activity. Perfection is expected, and judgy stares and whispers follow when you fall short. Being a Mom, Hell a Parent in general, I've had a lot of questions, but the biggest; "Why are we so judgmental and competitive?" Like my tiny human is happy, loved and thriving. Why should I feel down that he is not like Little Jimmy?
Well let me tell you, Jimmy, just because he isn't doing cool flip coordination's with a fidget spinners, it doesn't make you cooler. It just means your a ninja with your hands. Just because he isn't wearing the hottest and latest brand of tighty whitey's, it doesn't make you more special. No matter how cool the superhero design is! Just because he isn't the fastest at racing to the front of the line for breakfast doesn't mean he isn't as talented as you. Or that he isn't going to get the same breakfast. Okay, enough shitting on Little Jimmy. Hopefully you realize Little Jimmy is a metaphor... My point of this, why do we as parents feel the need to be competitive and perfect and to transfer that onto our kids. Why is everything a race? Why am I competing with other parents? Why am I looking for my son to compete with another kid's success? Why can't we celebrate our own successes without shitting on another's? Yes, I'm aware my Little Jimmy metaphor is hypocritical, but one has to give an example to get the point across. We all need to take a chill pill and remember that were all doing the same thing; trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. BUT, please for the love of all sanity... let's stop being so competitive! What is the rush? My son learns slower than others, but when he get's it he lights up. Why? Because he is conquering something. Because he has learned something. So I celebrate it, as little or big as it is. I don't say, "Wow Cayden, that's cool you learned how to sign "please"," and then proceed to tell him, "But Little Jimmy is already reading a book." My goal as his Mom is to encourage him. To love him. To push him to be his best. Not to tear him down, or to minimize his accomplishment.
However, that very goal I'm trying to instill in him is something I need to instill in myself. I am in no means a Perfect Mother. Sometimes I get up late and act like a chicken with it's head cut off. Trying to remember everything to grab in a 5 minute imaginary time clock that is going to explode if I don't heat up my car in 2.5 seconds, impossible. Other times I'm up on time. Sometimes I look like a disheveled raccoon that has the matted afro of a hippie after a rave. And other times I look put together. Wait, let me stop myself. I look good, I look like a Damn Diamond! (Another struggle as a Mom is remembering you're beautiful to, but that's another blog time for that.) Why am I telling you all this horrifically embarrassing stuff about myself? Because I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I get up, and from the moment my feet touch the floor I am on the go. Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking of stuff that ultimately relates to him. My schedule itself is wrapped around him. Doctors, Speech Therapy Appointments, and when we get a chance play dates. When I'm in a store it is impossible for me to look for myself. I always end up in the kid section, and if money forces me to chose, he wins. Unapologetically, he will always win. Because he is my world. So why am I trying to compete with other parents? If I don't allow myself to compare my sons successes to others like Little Jimmy. Then why do I allow myself to compare myself to other Moms/ Parents? Why am I so worried that I'm not like Debra; that never looks disheveled? Why am I consumed with how to be the oversachiever, who has a chartboard that is full of crazy shenanigans that are heavily unnecessary?
Why am I competing with Martha who coupons and fight with employees to get the sale item, even after being told the coupon is expired? Unfortunately Martha, you do not get to get unshit on like Jimmy, just let it go and pay the price or put it back so this line will move. And for the love of all things, please get rid of the stank face.
Hopefully, you enjoy some humor in this. This is me saying I'm done being competitive. I'm done striving for this crazy idea of the perfect parent. Because I'm not, but I am the best I can be. My son is not perfect, but he is to me and he does the best he can. I guess this is really me reminding myself that a happy Mom is the best Mom. Like a happy Child is the best child. To remember to take care of myself the way I take care of him. To encourage myself the way I encourage him. To give myself grace the way I give him. Hell, to love myself the way I love him. So, in order to do that I need to do exactly what I do for him. So that means taking a little time for myself. Whether it's me writing, looking at funny photos, or watching some corny love story on lifetime I'm going to do it.
This is more of a reminder for me, and maybe any of you who feel the same way.
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