Dating now and days is like a barrage of sausages, egos and the occasional creeper that you know in 20 years may just be the cover of a news headline... Now, before I get hate for this, I'm not saying all men are like this! In fact I've met quite a few new friends, so this whole stepping out in the dating game hasn't been a complete fail in my books. However, dating is not for the faint of heart. I cannot properly display or tell you the amount of eye rolls, stress, and irritation it takes to do it. But, you can't expect to meet anyone staying at home. I mean seriously, what do you expect them to break in the house? This isn't a home invasion, this is a Surprise date! lol So, I'm stepping out again and my experience so far have been comical to me at times. Let me just tell you my humor has saved me so much in my life. It is hands down one of my best qualities. But the remaining fact and white line at the end is rejection sucks! Quite frankly, the new lines for turning people down, or delivering half ass excuses of why commitment isn't right for them is just exhausting. But, I have taken notes and added some funny commentary and hard truths. These by far are my favorites excuses to date:
"You know I'm really busy with work, and I can't really commit to anything serious right now." What he is really saying is that he wants to hookup, but has no intention of committing. He wants ass and he's got the gas, but a relationship he finna pass.
"I'm just coming out of a bad relationship, but if you want to do friends with benefits then that's cool." What he is really saying is, I'm not over my ex, or accepted that somethings don't work out. However, I still have needs and will give you attention only when you're willing to give me the booty. But if you end up catching feelings, or thinking that they actually might want the friend part or take a chance to get to know you, then walk the plank. Because he is a pirate and you are about to be thrown overboard. Girl, don't you worry that you're alone, I will throw you a floaty to join the other people who have made that mistake. We all crash and fail in the dating world at least once.
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time. You into that?" Girl, he just want the booty. I mean... he can't be blunter than that. Well he can, but this is the nicer version.
or my absolute favorite, even after clearly stating I have a child;
"Oh, you have a kid, yeah... I'm not really ready for kids and taking on that responsibility, but if you want to ever have some fun let me know." What he is saying is that he did not read your profile, and is just clicking like to see what girl will respond to him. He is just trying to swipe some ass. So for any parents who have ever seen Dora, you got to say, "Swiper no Swiping!"
I shit you not, that has been my experience thus far. Honestly, sometimes it's comical, and I brush it off with a joke or two. Other times I want to hit my head against the desk and just say, "You know, maybe 30 cat's isn't a bad idea... I love sweaters, so really I mean there are perks..." Why is this a topic I'm covering? Well, I'm a single Mom and we want to experience dating to. Let me clarify. DATING:
1.) Not FWB
2.) Not hookups
3.) No we don't want to see your Penis soft or hard. Seriously, if I want to see a snake or whatever is in your trousers, I have Google, Bing and Yahoo.
4.) I don't want you to infiltrate my guts, which first of all sounds like you're premeditatedly telling me you plan to murder my insides. So, ya know maybe look into some anatomy books... or you know read a manual on proper way to approach someone.
Being a Mom is hectic at times, but when you get those moments or experience them with your kid or kids you notice that there is something missing. Now, no where in here am I saying you need someone to complete yourself, or to be a whole family. I believe that you can have a family with just you and your kids, or be successful at being single. For me though, some moments feel a little lonely. Usually, it's when I'm watching Cayden do or say something for the first time or I get a progress report from school and he is rocking out! I'm so excited and I go to turn, but just looking at air. There are times when I find myself wishing that I had made better decisions in my past. I wish Cayden could experience what it is to have a Dad. One that he can be proud of and look up too. For some of you, you might be wondering, "Well, where is Cayden's Dad?' For the longest time, that was a sore subject. But the truth is, I was in an abusive relationship. He didn't want kids realistically, and especially one with Special Needs. So, he left and that's all she wrote, for those who know me more personally I ask that you refrain from unveiling his identity. That was 6 years ago, and I have taken a lot of time to heal and to process things. I have strived to be the best Mom I can be, and to never allow him to miss the love that he would receive if his Father were involved. Growing up, I was blessed to have 2 Dads: My Dad, and my Grandpa. And I'm grateful they have helped and stepped up to be positive figures in his life.
Back to my point, It is so hard to get out there and meet people. Plenty of single parents are out there mingling and mingling successfully at that. One of my greatest struggles to date is that when we get on topic of my son, I can always feel the shift once I talk about his diagnosis. It's like a light switch flips and immediately I can feel the hesitancy and the judgement. Let me just make a PSA: MY EGGS are fine, I have a 1% chance of ever having another child with DS. BUT, even if I did, it wouldn't change things for me. Babies, Kids, and Adults with DS have value. They matter, and honestly, I believe that without them we wouldn't appreciate things or remember just how beautiful simple things are. We take so much for granted, and they embrace everything. They keep no record of hate, they love. To me, they are one of the purest things left in this world. Now, that my side rant is over... lol It just sucks, Massively, because it hits me that they are not willing to give Cayden a chance, and in reality me a chance either. While the rejection is also a good things because I can weed out people not worth my time. It also stings a bit and makes it feel like you're not good enough. Which I know is not the case, but still it sucks and is a kick to your self esteem. The other problem is weeding out guys who say they accept my son, but in talking will say things or word them offensively with intent that you know they're actually not okay with it. It's really not that hard, honesty is everything. I would respect people so much more to be brutally honest, then to sugar coat or lie to me.
Though my dating life is still a work in progress, and so far my experiences are wack! lol I still have this optimism that one day some guy will come along. I often envision that day will happen when I'm stuffing my face with food, and we will make eye contact and some Michael Bolton will be playing in the restaurant and we will just know. Just kidding, lol... maybe... But for now, just doing my best at being a Mom, and getting out there again.
Wednesday, October 9, 2019
Mama Said Cut The Crap Jimmy
Keeping Up is hard. Writing is hard. Remembering is hard. Finding time for yourself is hard. Most of the time it has to do with the fact as a Parent we have a 101 other things to do. And if your like me, a Single Parent it's almost impossible to even get 5 minutes to ones self. My version of a vacation is an extended bathroom stay which includes but not limited to: looking at funny memes, comedy videos, or the occasional puppy underdog story. Anything other then that is considered an extra curricular activity. Perfection is expected, and judgy stares and whispers follow when you fall short. Being a Mom, Hell a Parent in general, I've had a lot of questions, but the biggest; "Why are we so judgmental and competitive?" Like my tiny human is happy, loved and thriving. Why should I feel down that he is not like Little Jimmy?
Well let me tell you, Jimmy, just because he isn't doing cool flip coordination's with a fidget spinners, it doesn't make you cooler. It just means your a ninja with your hands. Just because he isn't wearing the hottest and latest brand of tighty whitey's, it doesn't make you more special. No matter how cool the superhero design is! Just because he isn't the fastest at racing to the front of the line for breakfast doesn't mean he isn't as talented as you. Or that he isn't going to get the same breakfast. Okay, enough shitting on Little Jimmy. Hopefully you realize Little Jimmy is a metaphor... My point of this, why do we as parents feel the need to be competitive and perfect and to transfer that onto our kids. Why is everything a race? Why am I competing with other parents? Why am I looking for my son to compete with another kid's success? Why can't we celebrate our own successes without shitting on another's? Yes, I'm aware my Little Jimmy metaphor is hypocritical, but one has to give an example to get the point across. We all need to take a chill pill and remember that were all doing the same thing; trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. BUT, please for the love of all sanity... let's stop being so competitive! What is the rush? My son learns slower than others, but when he get's it he lights up. Why? Because he is conquering something. Because he has learned something. So I celebrate it, as little or big as it is. I don't say, "Wow Cayden, that's cool you learned how to sign "please"," and then proceed to tell him, "But Little Jimmy is already reading a book." My goal as his Mom is to encourage him. To love him. To push him to be his best. Not to tear him down, or to minimize his accomplishment.
However, that very goal I'm trying to instill in him is something I need to instill in myself. I am in no means a Perfect Mother. Sometimes I get up late and act like a chicken with it's head cut off. Trying to remember everything to grab in a 5 minute imaginary time clock that is going to explode if I don't heat up my car in 2.5 seconds, impossible. Other times I'm up on time. Sometimes I look like a disheveled raccoon that has the matted afro of a hippie after a rave. And other times I look put together. Wait, let me stop myself. I look good, I look like a Damn Diamond! (Another struggle as a Mom is remembering you're beautiful to, but that's another blog time for that.) Why am I telling you all this horrifically embarrassing stuff about myself? Because I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I get up, and from the moment my feet touch the floor I am on the go. Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking of stuff that ultimately relates to him. My schedule itself is wrapped around him. Doctors, Speech Therapy Appointments, and when we get a chance play dates. When I'm in a store it is impossible for me to look for myself. I always end up in the kid section, and if money forces me to chose, he wins. Unapologetically, he will always win. Because he is my world. So why am I trying to compete with other parents? If I don't allow myself to compare my sons successes to others like Little Jimmy. Then why do I allow myself to compare myself to other Moms/ Parents? Why am I so worried that I'm not like Debra; that never looks disheveled? Why am I consumed with how to be the oversachiever, who has a chartboard that is full of crazy shenanigans that are heavily unnecessary?
Why am I competing with Martha who coupons and fight with employees to get the sale item, even after being told the coupon is expired? Unfortunately Martha, you do not get to get unshit on like Jimmy, just let it go and pay the price or put it back so this line will move. And for the love of all things, please get rid of the stank face.
Hopefully, you enjoy some humor in this. This is me saying I'm done being competitive. I'm done striving for this crazy idea of the perfect parent. Because I'm not, but I am the best I can be. My son is not perfect, but he is to me and he does the best he can. I guess this is really me reminding myself that a happy Mom is the best Mom. Like a happy Child is the best child. To remember to take care of myself the way I take care of him. To encourage myself the way I encourage him. To give myself grace the way I give him. Hell, to love myself the way I love him. So, in order to do that I need to do exactly what I do for him. So that means taking a little time for myself. Whether it's me writing, looking at funny photos, or watching some corny love story on lifetime I'm going to do it.
This is more of a reminder for me, and maybe any of you who feel the same way.
Well let me tell you, Jimmy, just because he isn't doing cool flip coordination's with a fidget spinners, it doesn't make you cooler. It just means your a ninja with your hands. Just because he isn't wearing the hottest and latest brand of tighty whitey's, it doesn't make you more special. No matter how cool the superhero design is! Just because he isn't the fastest at racing to the front of the line for breakfast doesn't mean he isn't as talented as you. Or that he isn't going to get the same breakfast. Okay, enough shitting on Little Jimmy. Hopefully you realize Little Jimmy is a metaphor... My point of this, why do we as parents feel the need to be competitive and perfect and to transfer that onto our kids. Why is everything a race? Why am I competing with other parents? Why am I looking for my son to compete with another kid's success? Why can't we celebrate our own successes without shitting on another's? Yes, I'm aware my Little Jimmy metaphor is hypocritical, but one has to give an example to get the point across. We all need to take a chill pill and remember that were all doing the same thing; trying to raise our kids to be the best they can be. BUT, please for the love of all sanity... let's stop being so competitive! What is the rush? My son learns slower than others, but when he get's it he lights up. Why? Because he is conquering something. Because he has learned something. So I celebrate it, as little or big as it is. I don't say, "Wow Cayden, that's cool you learned how to sign "please"," and then proceed to tell him, "But Little Jimmy is already reading a book." My goal as his Mom is to encourage him. To love him. To push him to be his best. Not to tear him down, or to minimize his accomplishment.
However, that very goal I'm trying to instill in him is something I need to instill in myself. I am in no means a Perfect Mother. Sometimes I get up late and act like a chicken with it's head cut off. Trying to remember everything to grab in a 5 minute imaginary time clock that is going to explode if I don't heat up my car in 2.5 seconds, impossible. Other times I'm up on time. Sometimes I look like a disheveled raccoon that has the matted afro of a hippie after a rave. And other times I look put together. Wait, let me stop myself. I look good, I look like a Damn Diamond! (Another struggle as a Mom is remembering you're beautiful to, but that's another blog time for that.) Why am I telling you all this horrifically embarrassing stuff about myself? Because I'm not perfect, but I do my best. I get up, and from the moment my feet touch the floor I am on the go. Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking of stuff that ultimately relates to him. My schedule itself is wrapped around him. Doctors, Speech Therapy Appointments, and when we get a chance play dates. When I'm in a store it is impossible for me to look for myself. I always end up in the kid section, and if money forces me to chose, he wins. Unapologetically, he will always win. Because he is my world. So why am I trying to compete with other parents? If I don't allow myself to compare my sons successes to others like Little Jimmy. Then why do I allow myself to compare myself to other Moms/ Parents? Why am I so worried that I'm not like Debra; that never looks disheveled? Why am I consumed with how to be the oversachiever, who has a chartboard that is full of crazy shenanigans that are heavily unnecessary?
Why am I competing with Martha who coupons and fight with employees to get the sale item, even after being told the coupon is expired? Unfortunately Martha, you do not get to get unshit on like Jimmy, just let it go and pay the price or put it back so this line will move. And for the love of all things, please get rid of the stank face.
Hopefully, you enjoy some humor in this. This is me saying I'm done being competitive. I'm done striving for this crazy idea of the perfect parent. Because I'm not, but I am the best I can be. My son is not perfect, but he is to me and he does the best he can. I guess this is really me reminding myself that a happy Mom is the best Mom. Like a happy Child is the best child. To remember to take care of myself the way I take care of him. To encourage myself the way I encourage him. To give myself grace the way I give him. Hell, to love myself the way I love him. So, in order to do that I need to do exactly what I do for him. So that means taking a little time for myself. Whether it's me writing, looking at funny photos, or watching some corny love story on lifetime I'm going to do it.
This is more of a reminder for me, and maybe any of you who feel the same way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)