Dating now and days is like a barrage of sausages, egos and the occasional creeper that you know in 20 years may just be the cover of a news headline... Now, before I get hate for this, I'm not saying all men are like this! In fact I've met quite a few new friends, so this whole stepping out in the dating game hasn't been a complete fail in my books. However, dating is not for the faint of heart. I cannot properly display or tell you the amount of eye rolls, stress, and irritation it takes to do it. But, you can't expect to meet anyone staying at home. I mean seriously, what do you expect them to break in the house? This isn't a home invasion, this is a Surprise date! lol So, I'm stepping out again and my experience so far have been comical to me at times. Let me just tell you my humor has saved me so much in my life. It is hands down one of my best qualities. But the remaining fact and white line at the end is rejection sucks! Quite frankly, the new lines for turning people down, or delivering half ass excuses of why commitment isn't right for them is just exhausting. But, I have taken notes and added some funny commentary and hard truths. These by far are my favorites excuses to date:
"You know I'm really busy with work, and I can't really commit to anything serious right now." What he is really saying is that he wants to hookup, but has no intention of committing. He wants ass and he's got the gas, but a relationship he finna pass.
"I'm just coming out of a bad relationship, but if you want to do friends with benefits then that's cool." What he is really saying is, I'm not over my ex, or accepted that somethings don't work out. However, I still have needs and will give you attention only when you're willing to give me the booty. But if you end up catching feelings, or thinking that they actually might want the friend part or take a chance to get to know you, then walk the plank. Because he is a pirate and you are about to be thrown overboard. Girl, don't you worry that you're alone, I will throw you a floaty to join the other people who have made that mistake. We all crash and fail in the dating world at least once.
"I'm here for a good time, not a long time. You into that?" Girl, he just want the booty. I mean... he can't be blunter than that. Well he can, but this is the nicer version.
or my absolute favorite, even after clearly stating I have a child;
"Oh, you have a kid, yeah... I'm not really ready for kids and taking on that responsibility, but if you want to ever have some fun let me know." What he is saying is that he did not read your profile, and is just clicking like to see what girl will respond to him. He is just trying to swipe some ass. So for any parents who have ever seen Dora, you got to say, "Swiper no Swiping!"
I shit you not, that has been my experience thus far. Honestly, sometimes it's comical, and I brush it off with a joke or two. Other times I want to hit my head against the desk and just say, "You know, maybe 30 cat's isn't a bad idea... I love sweaters, so really I mean there are perks..." Why is this a topic I'm covering? Well, I'm a single Mom and we want to experience dating to. Let me clarify. DATING:
1.) Not FWB
2.) Not hookups
3.) No we don't want to see your Penis soft or hard. Seriously, if I want to see a snake or whatever is in your trousers, I have Google, Bing and Yahoo.
4.) I don't want you to infiltrate my guts, which first of all sounds like you're premeditatedly telling me you plan to murder my insides. So, ya know maybe look into some anatomy books... or you know read a manual on proper way to approach someone.
Being a Mom is hectic at times, but when you get those moments or experience them with your kid or kids you notice that there is something missing. Now, no where in here am I saying you need someone to complete yourself, or to be a whole family. I believe that you can have a family with just you and your kids, or be successful at being single. For me though, some moments feel a little lonely. Usually, it's when I'm watching Cayden do or say something for the first time or I get a progress report from school and he is rocking out! I'm so excited and I go to turn, but just looking at air. There are times when I find myself wishing that I had made better decisions in my past. I wish Cayden could experience what it is to have a Dad. One that he can be proud of and look up too. For some of you, you might be wondering, "Well, where is Cayden's Dad?' For the longest time, that was a sore subject. But the truth is, I was in an abusive relationship. He didn't want kids realistically, and especially one with Special Needs. So, he left and that's all she wrote, for those who know me more personally I ask that you refrain from unveiling his identity. That was 6 years ago, and I have taken a lot of time to heal and to process things. I have strived to be the best Mom I can be, and to never allow him to miss the love that he would receive if his Father were involved. Growing up, I was blessed to have 2 Dads: My Dad, and my Grandpa. And I'm grateful they have helped and stepped up to be positive figures in his life.
Back to my point, It is so hard to get out there and meet people. Plenty of single parents are out there mingling and mingling successfully at that. One of my greatest struggles to date is that when we get on topic of my son, I can always feel the shift once I talk about his diagnosis. It's like a light switch flips and immediately I can feel the hesitancy and the judgement. Let me just make a PSA: MY EGGS are fine, I have a 1% chance of ever having another child with DS. BUT, even if I did, it wouldn't change things for me. Babies, Kids, and Adults with DS have value. They matter, and honestly, I believe that without them we wouldn't appreciate things or remember just how beautiful simple things are. We take so much for granted, and they embrace everything. They keep no record of hate, they love. To me, they are one of the purest things left in this world. Now, that my side rant is over... lol It just sucks, Massively, because it hits me that they are not willing to give Cayden a chance, and in reality me a chance either. While the rejection is also a good things because I can weed out people not worth my time. It also stings a bit and makes it feel like you're not good enough. Which I know is not the case, but still it sucks and is a kick to your self esteem. The other problem is weeding out guys who say they accept my son, but in talking will say things or word them offensively with intent that you know they're actually not okay with it. It's really not that hard, honesty is everything. I would respect people so much more to be brutally honest, then to sugar coat or lie to me.
Though my dating life is still a work in progress, and so far my experiences are wack! lol I still have this optimism that one day some guy will come along. I often envision that day will happen when I'm stuffing my face with food, and we will make eye contact and some Michael Bolton will be playing in the restaurant and we will just know. Just kidding, lol... maybe... But for now, just doing my best at being a Mom, and getting out there again.
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