A Year of Life

A year of Life 

“Enjoy every single moment. The good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the inspiring, the not-so-glamorous moments. And THANK GOD through it all.”

-Meghan Matt

Some days even in the midst  of happiness, are moments of sadness of the realization; My son is growing up, even though he is still a baby in my eyes, you still see the milestones, and begin to think of all the new ones he’ll accomplish. Each of them you will smile, each of them you will cry and look back on all those cherished memories. Cayden is a year old now. It’s crazy to think that I have 1 year old. It seems like only yesterday they were placing him in my arms, with the assumption in my head he’d be young, he’d be my baby forever. There are times where I feel as though my youth is slipping from me, I’ll be 20 soon. I know, I sound ridiculous, but it feels like I’m old. I have accomplished a lot so far in my life, but there will never be anything that could ever cease to top my biggest accomplishment, my son.

This past year has taught me a lot of lessons.  One of them is to appreciate life for all it’s worth, and even when the storm rages, and winds carry, to smile because things could always be worse.One of my favorite things to do is to rock Cayden to sleep at night. As I would he would always look at me before he closed his eyes, making sure I wasn't laying him down. This night in particular, he jolted in his sleep. I called my Mom to come here because when I looked in his eyes I saw fear. She said to wait for the morning. In the morning I awoke and we took him to the doctors where my fears were confirmed. My son was suffering from seizures called West Syndrome.

He was hospitalized for two weeks, and spent his 1st Thanksgiving in the hospital, no matter we still made it special. He was his smiley, bubbly self, laughing, but then the seizures would come on, and it was odd he’d go right back to his regular self. I was so happy that despite the seizures, he would still smile. After day 3 my son finally got his medication  approved from the insurance, after heavy persuasion from the doctor. Even in the midst of this my son would just smile, which was comforting, he has the most heartwarming smile, and can make anyone feel better, and in this time it was just what I needed. I felt so helpless, and in that sense is truly where my Son, and God rose my spirits. In the hospital I grew up a lot. I had to learn to put my fears, and my squeamishness towards needles behind me to take care of my Son. I’m proud to say my Son has not had a seizure since November 30th. Truly a  Praise God moment!

My son teaches me lessons everyday, some rather would have not have learned. Like if you don’t put this diaper on fast enough, you might get a shower. Or by far the most gross experience; when he was first born I was half asleep changing his diaper and he shot on me, and I’m not talking number 1 lol, I laugh about it now, but in the moment it was by far the most scary, disgusting and confusing experience. I had many questions; One, how did that get on my shirt when I’m sitting that far away? Two how did all that come out of a baby? It’s a tad gross, but reflecting on it now I know that babies are a lot trickier than they seem. But in all seriousness, the greatest lesson my son has taught me is to smile in the face of adversity. Even when things look bleak, and times get rough, even when you’re down to nothing, and think that it sucks; smile. Life could always be worse, and were blessed. Cayden is my biggest inspiration,  He has taught me so many lessons, and continues to everyday.  I as a mother, and we as a family are so blessed by God to have a child as amazing as he is. Down Syndrome kids are always smiling, laughing, and bringing joy. Even in the face of adversity they smile. They are not defined by their chromosome, but they embrace it, they are individuals each with a little something extra ordinary. To think that God punishes people with special needs children such as down syndrome is ludicrous. My son was gift, full of love, made by the perfect love, just for me.

1 John 4:18

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment . The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

My faith has grown stronger this past year, God has been there through all my struggles with becoming a single mother, and raising my son. Showing me that all things are gonna be alright. My son is one, the light of my life, and the greatest gift I could ever have been given.  He has shown me true love, and has shown me that family is at the heart of it. Cayden’s journey has just begun, and I can’t wait to see where God takes us. A bible verse that truly sums up Cayden’s 1st year is:

1st Corinthians 13:13

"There are three things that last: Faith, Hope, and Love, and the Greatest of these is

LOVE."