Being a Parent is Easy, Right?

Being a Parent is Easy? Right?.....

Sleepless nights, upon sleepless nights. Fighting to keep my eyes open while breast pumping milk for my little man. Son screaming, and let’s be honest a few tears of my own of pure sleepless nights. Thank God for my Mom, and Family’s constant help. There are times when I wanted to pull my hair out, but who could pull their hair out when looking at a face like this? Pure bliss, he just makes my day better. Even if I’m tired, just looking at him can make a smile instantly come to my face.

Oh How I was grateful I had already graduated, because I’m sure, there is no way I could of after. He was a handful, but it didn't make me love him any less. I use to wonder what my Mom meant when she told me while pregnant, “ Enjoy your sleep, because you won’t have it back till… wait how old are you again?”, lol, My mom has a big sense of humor, but now I totally get it.

Even though I was a Mom now,I still struggled with being a single parent, and doing it alone. Still dealing with Postpartum and anger from my past relationship. I’m not saying I didn't love my son, but it was hard time bonding when I first had him. But then again it was still hard to believe that I had brought such a beautiful little boy into this world. He was absolutely perfect in my eyes, and I think I was just so disappointed in myself for how things had happened in my life. I had disappointed a lot of people by getting pregnant, but isn’t it odd how babies bring people closer, and sometimes so far away.?

There were times where I struggled so hard to keep myself afloat, no one can truly prepare you for being a single parent. Or a special needs single parent. I had many fears about my son. I worried about his health, would he be able to talk, would he reach all the milestones, would he graduate, would he go to college, would he have a family? I’m a worrier, my Mom says it truly is one of my biggest faults, she always says to me, “ Don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” It was a quote that gave me so much comfort and frustration at so many times. I mean how can you not wonder what your child will face? How can you not wonder if they’ll reach all their milestones? Just how can you not? Those are times where I truly had to turn to God for peace, for understanding, and guidance. I was struggling, and needed him more then anything. I needed him and still do everyday of my life.

“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you.”

Isaiah 54:10

Isn't it odd how there is a scripture that can speak multitudes into your life for every situation? God has, had, and is the answer to all the things. There was a point in the beginning, I was so exhausted, and upset that I just couldn't handle taking care of Cayden, for two weeks my Son stayed in the room with my Mom, and Dad. I struggled with the hurt of my pregnancy,worries of what my son would face,  and ultimately my past, I just couldn't seem to move forward, and not that I didn't love my son, but at that point, I just wasn't there the way he needed me to be. Not yet anyways….

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

During those two weeks, I’d like to call it almost the beginning of my true grieving process, the letting go, the acceptance that my past life was no longer, that I had and was different because of my son, and that it was for the better. He was my future, and that it was time to give him my all and give up the hurt. So at this time I began to finally start to form the bond with my son.

It wasn't easy, but we got there. I started to feel all those apprehensions parents have, like will they be okay if I leave them in the crib, will he think I left him or if someone babysits will he remember me, will he remember I’m his Mom? Weird you think about so many things but to them there just chill and free thinking. The months seem to fly by so fast, and with that my love grew, and grew.  He has grown a lot since then, we together as a family have grown a lot since then, I have grown a lot since then. I’m just so honored God put this little boy in my life. He is my world, my heart, and my Super Hero. He may not hit every Milestone as fast as every other child but he has hit a ton. He is just now learning to sit on his own. And right now that’s enough, because he is gonna hit every Milestone in his own time, everyone will be special for us,  and he will make me proud every time, he will graduate, he will be married, and I will be by his side through it all. He is in all rights the reason I keep going when times are tough, the reason I am the person I am today, and without him, I don’t think I’d be the Woman, the Mom, I am. He has made me grow up a lot, and reevaluate my values, and goals in my life. I just hope I can make him as proud as he makes me. A quote I think that sums this up is:

“There’s always gonna be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what’s waitin’ on the other side

It’s the climb”

-Miley Cyrus

No matter what my son and I face, there will always be adversity in the path. I will always try to do my best, and teach him that things happen for a reason, that he had a reason for being born, that God used him to save me, and to teach me that true love is given. I will teach my son that not all battles can be won, but that it doesn't make you less of a person, or a loser. And if he plays baseball, and even if not,  I will tell him.” You’ll get em next time, and till then let’s go get an ice cream.” I will tell him that time can only be a factor if you're not enjoying the moment. That sometimes you just have to let go, enjoy where you are, and wait till you reach your destination, and when you do you’ll have had no regrets, or what if’s? I will teach him to cherish all that he has, and never look for what he doesn't. I will teach life and all it’s beauties. For my son, is my life, and just the same as you and me.  And he’s gonna reach every milestone just you wait and see.